Put your finger on it.

It's difficult to really put my finger on why I feel so completely different this year to ever before. At the start of this year I was living in a place I had outgrown trying so desperately to have fun but not ever wanting to leave the house because I wanted sweet, fun memories to be my last. I didn't want to look back and be thankful to have left, I wanted to leave on a high. I now love going home to see and play and hang out with my family. However the local pub makes me feel extradordinarily claustrophobic and anxious and I can't help it. I need a longer seperation period. I need people that I love to come to the city with me and experience some of what the world has got to offer and I can't help but selfishly want that to be what they all want to. It isn't. Yet anyway.

This week I move into a new place and start a new chapter of this new novel life I've already begun. It's so exciting and I've never felt more completely at ease, less anxious and more accepted and appreciated since I've moved away. It took a while to get used to people just moving on and not really missing you, but it's all pretty natural I imagine. You start to realise you aren't contracted to other people. You don't need to be a part of THE group, you're much better off not being a part of it as you'll never figure out who you are from the inside.

I've got so many projects in the works. A book to write, a future show to create, concerts to think about and logistics to plan, three news and variety shows to produce on a daily basis, gigs to review, gigs to choose to attend, presents and letters to be writing and a few other works in the pipeline. I'm only 22, I'm noticing that's quite young and I intend to make the most of this year being so young and already connecting to incredible people who I can learn from and just sit back in awe of. It's all good.

In the meantime I'll continue loving Arcade Fire's Suburbs. Their first Funeral I listened to as I finished up school, started uni and became sure of what I was about and what I no longer needed in my life in order to grow up. Neon Bible came in the year that said growing up took place. I was on my own and making plans, I travelled, I met new people, I socialised and I realised radio was where I wanted to be at and took a chance. Suburbs now comes at another growth spurt, totally on my own, out of the suburbs and out of my claustrophobia and into the city meeting like minded people and experiencing completely new and wonderful things every single day. I like you Arcade Fire, just putting it out there.

Suburban War

Let's go for a drive
See the town tonight
There's nothing to do but I'll unwind when I'm with you

This town's so strange
They built it to change
And while we're sleeping all the streets, they rearrange

And my old friends, we were so different then
Before your war against the suburbs began
Before it began

All my old friends, they don't know me now
All my old friends, are staring through me now

T