Holiday end blues

It's beginning to look a lot like my last day of holidays.

It's windy, it's a little grey, i slept in real late, there's been a shooting in the USA which is sparking my opinionator self, I'm finding absolute gems of new music which excite me for the new year ahead it's looking to be a goodie, i've had nutella, i'm still in my pyjamas, my bike is beckoning me to give it a go around the river and we've got a fun night ahead for the family. So what should I be doing?

I think I'm happy doing just this. Perhaps I'll take my bike out for a spin, come home play some games and just relax. I've not had holidays without work since school so I've done so many activities!

Falls Festival. Headed down to Tassie to Marion Bay, two hours out of Hobart for some Falls fun. It was incredible. Such a beautiful place, a short walk to the beach for a swim (substitute shower) each day, groceries galore, harikrishna incense at our campsite (just one tent but the journalist in me wants to sensationalise it). From memory top acts were Paul Kelly, Puda Madre Brothers in the cushion throwing, cigarette & tequila feeding experience of friday night, Interpol for obvious reasons, Big Scary, Cloud Control, Middle East. So many, the Village on Friday Night the havoc of outrageously gay boy versus a homophobic bogan jock, funniest thing I think I've ever seen. Love tent, perfect weather, wined up, glow axe and searching for a puffa vest. It was a good trip.

Hobart was fine, it was a lovely town, very unique to call it a "city" but it's the capital so I suppose that's it. Working up a complaints letter to the Grand Mecure! I can't wait to get my nuisance on with them. Museum-ed, taste festival, trekking 5+km to get to adventure golf and ice cream, movie marathon of rainman, national lampoons, home alone. It was a perfect trip I say now.

Since I've been home I've done much bike riding on my new wheels....

 I've done much sleeping, catching up on old episodes of Dawsons Creek, catching up with friends, wining and dining, seeing the Armstrongs, spending time in the old home town and shopping. It's been a relatively perfect holiday.

Time in the old home town I have come to realise how lucky I am to start this year off in the city, in a house, in a job, with new friends, with a beautiful boyfriend, with a great family andnot feeling lost, not feeling panicked, not feeling nostalgic but powering ahead.

Haven't felt this excited about a new year like this in many! So set.

To help me out, a word from former teen-star non-dreamboat James Van Der Beek

Vandermemes from James Van Der Beek

For now,

T

Making Scents Of It All

Sitting on the couch. A swollen face. A bag of peas that I would never eat but acting as my frozen saviour. Counting down until my next medication time. High Fidelty. Baby food. Water. Feeling sorry for myself. But enjoying the forced relax time.

I walked into a shop the other day in Bridge Road. I was swept away by the smell. It was the air freshener. A vanilla one, nothing spectacular. Yet exactly the same as Bonanza Jellybean, the clothing store I worked at 18 years of age.

That smell bought back a rush of thoughts and emotions. I was working for the local LOCAL magazine, had just finished school, had a completely different group of friends, was in a long unusual relationship, my sister was away, I was yet to go overseas, I didn't know where I wanted to end up and I hadn't figured out or become comfortable with the sort of person I was yet. I spent hours with that smell every time I worked, listening to the same cds that were there and ones I had mixed with Kings of Leon, She will Have her way a female compilation of Crowded House Covers, Hot Chip's first album and a Chill out album. I got my coffee from Illy next door, I was next to a lingere store, I parked at Deakin and always stopped at Back to Basics to pick up candles, bracelets and lovely bits. I was visited by my boyf and friends, by Chloe in the early days, by 100% fresh and by Ez who I now live with. I was so different. It was so refreshing to have that smell & move on. It was a moment where I was so proud of myself and how many things have changed and where I'm not at. I'm still at the beginning of my career but so much further than then. I've travelled with plenty more to do, I'm no longer fussed  on a group I have many very special individuals in my life, my family is back together and closer than ever and I'm with an equal who I adore and I live in a city full of secrets and surprises.

A scent or smell can bring back such powerful memories. The comforting smell of my home, my dad's aftershave, my teddy, spice cottage, my friends' perfumes, sam's smell, walking past a man yesterday wearing aqua di gio and thinking of my friend i've grown apart from, it's wonderful. When I get old and my sight goes dodgy, my tastebuds become not so wonderful or my hearing goes a bit so I couldn't hear gigs and my favourite songs as well, I just hope hope hope I can smell, enjoy and make scents of it all. Mind the pun.

Back to icing my face now.

T x

Only if.

On one of our shows the other day we talked to Performance Psychologist Phil Jauncy. While he was talkign about the mind games of elite athletes, I took so much from his chat. He had the kind of attitude I really find refreshing.

The best part of the conversation was his take on the differences between dreamers and succeeders. It's very easy for dreamers to say "If only." If only I can find out what it is I want to do, If only I can save the money and move out of town or out of home, if only I can find the time. Successful people and people who actively seek happiness and success do so because they've already said ONLY IF. Only If I seek things that make me happy and fulfilled and do them, only if I make changes in my life to shake it up will I see results, only if I take a chance even if you could crash and burn will you see the benefits.

I know many many if onlys. Dreamers who just talk and talk and write and write about wanting to do stuff. It'll be incredible when they realise they just need to stop talking, writing and dreaming and just actively change their lifestyles, break away from the group, break away from the mould. I'm yet to meet half as many only ifs, but I can't wait to and find their advice and hear their stories.

Here's some more golden bits from Phil Jauncy's website:

"The Power of Positive Doing"

He doesn't believe in words like motivation, positive thinking and a good attitude.

"We cannot control our thoughts and feelings but we can control our actions. If we are feeling angry we start to act positively and eventually we find that the positive actions lead to positive feelings and thinking."

"Keep in mind that we cannot change the past or the present, but we can take control of the future."

The Six Steps of his for success and for successful change.

• What am I doing now?
• Is it working?
• If not, Change!
• Be specific (positively).
• Make a plan.
• Act on it.

I like this man. I like his plan. I feel positive even reading it, but I acted by reading it therefore my actions have influenced my positive feelings... just like it reads. Crazy.

Meeting Paul Kelly on Friday one of my absolute idols. His songs have meant more to me in the last seven months than I can explain. Tales of loneliness, of moving to the city, about Melbourne, about friends and losses of relationships, of attachments to new ones. They've filled me with so much comfort and company and a feeling that someone's felt this way before so it's all just going to be okay.

Out on that note for now and with thoughts of the lad many millions of miles away who I'm thinking of.


Tall trees are trembling
Dark clouds are bearing down
God's tiny creatures are all
Going crazy on the ground
My way is, my way is to you
Your gates were guarded
I had to swing around
Althe dogs are silent now
I can hear the softest sounds
My way is, my way is to you
Many times I've stumbled
Many times I've fallen down
But always I had
The dream of your dear ground
My way is, my way is to you

You've been on my mind

New place, old favourite music, new people, old comforts on a friday night. My love's away, my family aren't near and my old friends seem to have forgotten . It's difficult to convince myself I'm independent and not lonely. Perhaps a little of column a&b. This is a grand time to write lists of things I want to do, what I want to achieve and try and make a game plan for how I can get to it. I'm young and I'm sure people will catch up to the point in their own lives but I suppose I will wait and see if they get there before it's too late for those bonds I used to have with them to be salvaged.

As Oscar says "To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance." He also says quoting other is living through others, but I'm tired and he so eloquently says what I'd like to so often so I shall let him go at it.

I'm looking forward to the day in the near future where I have a proper social circle in this new city. I could go downstairs to this wonderful booming street and experience it with people, not just my own wide eyes. That'll happen.

Watching Paris Je'taim, some parts are so delightful and heartbreaking and some I want to skip a little bit, but it's just an experience of a show. To watch and choose and judge and sit back and enjoy. It sparks that little flame of wanting to get out and about in the world again. Next year's trip is on my agenda and I can't wait to get more ideas and get going.

T x

 

The Ecxeptional Mr Fry.

Seeing Stephen Fry Talk a few months ago was such a wonderful experience for me. He is someone who is completely odd. Different from all his friends, an individual and just went about his journey without looking back.


On his views on religion/atheism "I am a lover of truth, a worshipper of freedom, a celebrant at the altar of language and purity and tolerance."


On writing: "It is a cliche that most cliches are true, but then like most cliches, that cliche is untrue."


And how I currently am:  " Love in all eight tones and all five semitones of the word's full octave." 


This week in the media has been exciting. Challenging. A story we can't follow through on because it's too awful, but one that is huge. Ethics. All those things I studied for three years and knew when the time came I'd still be as grey as I was then. Journalism isn't easy, finding out what's in the public interest and what people just don't need to know. Or do they? That's the big issue.

This week is in my new house, sam's gone overseas, ez is out and I'm home alone. It's so nice though being alone with my thoughts, realising who hasn't made much effort to contact me lately and surprisingly who has so it's nice to have this time to just think and deconstruct the events of the past few months. Our new house is brilliant. My THREE wisdom teeth coming through are NOT. Such a challenge. Starting a whole new life and I suppose some people just won't be a part of it. I'm just so proud that I've changed my life, changed my social scene and branched out. I've grown! It's brilliant!

And yet when sick I still go home, with Whitey, hang with the Armstrongs and enjoy mum's homemade soup.

Until next time,

T